wiseasserpent (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} wiseasserpent) wrote,@ 2005-07-12 09:30:00 |
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Moral Minimalism and the Individually-Wrapped Family
I think that many political commentators misunderstand my generation. George Lakoff, Berkeley linguist, thinks that American Liberals are motivated by "nurturant parent morality", based on the model of government as nurturant parent who lives in interdependent community with self-actualized, free-thinking children. This morality is fundamentally different from "strict father morality", based on the model of a family where a stern patriarch lays down the rules with punishment. Hmm. I think Lakoff is engaging in wishful thinking. Liberal Americans of my generation do not have a coherent moral vision to fall back on. We need one. But I'm afraid that Rush Limbaugh and Pat Robertson are right on this one: my generation is pretty damn amoral. We aren't motivated by "nurturant parent morality"--our parents didn't nurture us, so how would we learn what a nurturant family was like, anyway? No, we were raised by TV and our peers. There is a third moral system in America, based on a third model of familiy life that is neither "strict father" nor "nurturant parent." Let us call it the "Individually-Wrapped Family." I'll tell you what the moral ethos of Liberal Gen X-ers is, folks!
Our moral ethic is Moral Minimalism. One sociologist studied the moral life of suburban America, and she concluded that prosperous children are raised in a sparse, largely amoral universe. We learned that being a good person is about minding your own business, keeping your music down, and not depending on others in any way. Here's what middle-class American families are like. We each have our own bedroom. Good siblings stay out of your bedroom, and you stay out of theirs. Good parents stay out of your hair, buy us what we want, and don't try to impose their opinions on us. Sometimes our family goes out for some "quality time", at a restaurant where everyone can order their own favorite dish. When we sweep back to our subdivision in our minivan, our garage door opens automatically and closes behind us, sealing us off from our neighbors before we even step out. If you want to capture the morality of my generation, imagine that garage door automatically closing behind a minivan. That grinding of gears that you hear as it closes in your face? That's the sound of my generation.
My generation wants to be left alone, to our individually-wrapped enjoyment. We think of morality in terms of unfettered individual consumption, because that's what our family life was like: individually wrapped. We each warmed up the TV dinner of our choice, we each had our own TV set, we each chose our own music on the car ride, isolated in our walkman bubble. Immorality is disrupting that individually-wrapped co-existence. We prefer moral minimalism.
Religion, for my generation, is something that you do to make you feel good. It's something to scratch that little itch. Awww, right there. Ok, thanks, see you next week...if I feel like getting up on Sunday. If religion makes you feel good about yourself, than that's cool. If religion interferes with your goals, or changes your goals, or otherwise makes you weird, than that's not cool.
Sex, for my generation, is something that you do to make you feel good. It's a form of self-worship. That's why all these suburban 13-year-old girls are running around giving head to snot-nosed boys. Do you think it's because they're overcome with lust for 13 year old boys? Not unless those punks are way hotter than they were back when I was 13! No, it's because giving head is a GREAT way of getting attention and approval. And these little girls call it "empowerment." Oh yeah, if that's empowerment, I don't know why feminism was ever a threat to the patriarchal social order. Listen to the moral reasoning of 13-year old girls these days: Giving head is moral precisely BECAUSE it's all about YOU.
For my generation, faithfulness or celibacy is way weird. Why? Because denying any of your little urges is weird. We have a right to scratch every itch, and no one should interfere with your scratching. Promiscuity is not immoral for my generation. Celibacy is immoral. Why? Because good siblings stay out of each other's bedrooms. And celibacy implies disapproval of OTHER people's promiscuity, which makes you feel bad about yourself, which is wrong.
The good news for Liberals is that my generation is cool with gay rights. The bad news is that we don't have any sexual ethics at all, except for "don't be a prude, no means no, and always use a condom." We are not particularly compassionate to gay Americans, or committed to larger equality. It's just that good siblings stay out of each other's bedrooms. By implication, we don't worry about the destructive potential of sexuality, if people cheat on their spouses when the "magic isn't there anymore." Not my problem, dude. Just be discrete and wear a condom, alright?
The good news for Liberals is that we don't want the government to impose its morality on us. Everybody should get to stay in their room and watch whatever they want on their own personal TV set. Everyone should get to choose Pepsi or Coke, Ford or Chevy. The bad news for Liberals is that we don't want to pay taxes. Direct quote from one of my college classmates: "I mean, it's sad that children aren't getting a good education somewhere in the ghetto, but what does that have to do with me? It's not my fault!" You can just hear the voice of the suburban child within us: I gave to charity that one time, and I shouldn't have to give away my allowance unless I want to. Everyone should just mind their own business, keep their lawn mowed, and be friendly. Don't impose that communist social morality on me, man. I'll contribute to the public good if, and when, I FEEL like it!
When liberals my age get riled up, it's because they think those stupid fundamentalists are going to impose their morality on them. They don't get nearly riled up that kids are going to bed hungry, or that there are over 2 million people incarcerated in this country. What makes us mad? Our siblings are trying to boss us around! They're coming into our bedroom! Mom, tell Bobby to stay out of my room! Tell Bobby to stop bossing me around!
So Lakoff, if you want to appeal to a nurturant parent morality in my generation, we better start promoting it. It doesn't come naturally.
I think that many political commentators misunderstand my generation. George Lakoff, Berkeley linguist, thinks that American Liberals are motivated by "nurturant parent morality", based on the model of government as nurturant parent who lives in interdependent community with self-actualized, free-thinking children. This morality is fundamentally different from "strict father morality", based on the model of a family where a stern patriarch lays down the rules with punishment. Hmm. I think Lakoff is engaging in wishful thinking. Liberal Americans of my generation do not have a coherent moral vision to fall back on. We need one. But I'm afraid that Rush Limbaugh and Pat Robertson are right on this one: my generation is pretty damn amoral. We aren't motivated by "nurturant parent morality"--our parents didn't nurture us, so how would we learn what a nurturant family was like, anyway? No, we were raised by TV and our peers. There is a third moral system in America, based on a third model of familiy life that is neither "strict father" nor "nurturant parent." Let us call it the "Individually-Wrapped Family." I'll tell you what the moral ethos of Liberal Gen X-ers is, folks!
Our moral ethic is Moral Minimalism. One sociologist studied the moral life of suburban America, and she concluded that prosperous children are raised in a sparse, largely amoral universe. We learned that being a good person is about minding your own business, keeping your music down, and not depending on others in any way. Here's what middle-class American families are like. We each have our own bedroom. Good siblings stay out of your bedroom, and you stay out of theirs. Good parents stay out of your hair, buy us what we want, and don't try to impose their opinions on us. Sometimes our family goes out for some "quality time", at a restaurant where everyone can order their own favorite dish. When we sweep back to our subdivision in our minivan, our garage door opens automatically and closes behind us, sealing us off from our neighbors before we even step out. If you want to capture the morality of my generation, imagine that garage door automatically closing behind a minivan. That grinding of gears that you hear as it closes in your face? That's the sound of my generation.
My generation wants to be left alone, to our individually-wrapped enjoyment. We think of morality in terms of unfettered individual consumption, because that's what our family life was like: individually wrapped. We each warmed up the TV dinner of our choice, we each had our own TV set, we each chose our own music on the car ride, isolated in our walkman bubble. Immorality is disrupting that individually-wrapped co-existence. We prefer moral minimalism.
Religion, for my generation, is something that you do to make you feel good. It's something to scratch that little itch. Awww, right there. Ok, thanks, see you next week...if I feel like getting up on Sunday. If religion makes you feel good about yourself, than that's cool. If religion interferes with your goals, or changes your goals, or otherwise makes you weird, than that's not cool.
Sex, for my generation, is something that you do to make you feel good. It's a form of self-worship. That's why all these suburban 13-year-old girls are running around giving head to snot-nosed boys. Do you think it's because they're overcome with lust for 13 year old boys? Not unless those punks are way hotter than they were back when I was 13! No, it's because giving head is a GREAT way of getting attention and approval. And these little girls call it "empowerment." Oh yeah, if that's empowerment, I don't know why feminism was ever a threat to the patriarchal social order. Listen to the moral reasoning of 13-year old girls these days: Giving head is moral precisely BECAUSE it's all about YOU.
For my generation, faithfulness or celibacy is way weird. Why? Because denying any of your little urges is weird. We have a right to scratch every itch, and no one should interfere with your scratching. Promiscuity is not immoral for my generation. Celibacy is immoral. Why? Because good siblings stay out of each other's bedrooms. And celibacy implies disapproval of OTHER people's promiscuity, which makes you feel bad about yourself, which is wrong.
The good news for Liberals is that my generation is cool with gay rights. The bad news is that we don't have any sexual ethics at all, except for "don't be a prude, no means no, and always use a condom." We are not particularly compassionate to gay Americans, or committed to larger equality. It's just that good siblings stay out of each other's bedrooms. By implication, we don't worry about the destructive potential of sexuality, if people cheat on their spouses when the "magic isn't there anymore." Not my problem, dude. Just be discrete and wear a condom, alright?
The good news for Liberals is that we don't want the government to impose its morality on us. Everybody should get to stay in their room and watch whatever they want on their own personal TV set. Everyone should get to choose Pepsi or Coke, Ford or Chevy. The bad news for Liberals is that we don't want to pay taxes. Direct quote from one of my college classmates: "I mean, it's sad that children aren't getting a good education somewhere in the ghetto, but what does that have to do with me? It's not my fault!" You can just hear the voice of the suburban child within us: I gave to charity that one time, and I shouldn't have to give away my allowance unless I want to. Everyone should just mind their own business, keep their lawn mowed, and be friendly. Don't impose that communist social morality on me, man. I'll contribute to the public good if, and when, I FEEL like it!
When liberals my age get riled up, it's because they think those stupid fundamentalists are going to impose their morality on them. They don't get nearly riled up that kids are going to bed hungry, or that there are over 2 million people incarcerated in this country. What makes us mad? Our siblings are trying to boss us around! They're coming into our bedroom! Mom, tell Bobby to stay out of my room! Tell Bobby to stop bossing me around!
So Lakoff, if you want to appeal to a nurturant parent morality in my generation, we better start promoting it. It doesn't come naturally.
